


Your Perfume

by thebattlingbard



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 05:05:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17298317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebattlingbard/pseuds/thebattlingbard
Summary: Delia wrote a letter to Patsy after Patsy went to Hong Kong





	Your Perfume

**Author's Note:**

> This has all gone a bit melodramatic I'm afraid. I seemed to have channelled my inner Vita Sackville-West when she was writing love letters to Virginia Woolf.

Patsy,

Last night I went to bed holding your bottle of perfume, the same way I’ve done every single night since you left. That’s your smell, I close my eyes and you’re right next to me again, it’s like you’ve never left. The only problem is when I open them again you’re not really there at all. But yet your scent lingers, and it teases me. I know why you needed to leave, and I wanted you to go but I wish you hadn’t, for selfish reasons only. When I had my accident, I lost you for a time through no fault of our own. My memory of you, the smell of you, the sound of you was just gone as if you never existed and the worst part was I never got to miss you, I never got to feel that pain, yet I felt an emptiness I couldn’t explain. Then you came back to me or I came back to you, I don’t suppose it matters which way round it was because that emptiness was filled and everything was bright again. Not any more. The darkness has come back; the emptiness is real and I feel every single bit of pain and I hate it so much. My heart yearns for you Pats, my soul yearns for you. The very core of who I am, who you’ve helped me become yearns for you. You will come back to me I know you will of that I have no doubt but it will never be soon enough, a year from now, 5 minutes from now nothing will be soon enough. I don’t feel in the least bit guilty about my selfishness on this matter as I know you feel the same; we are just meant to be. We always find our way back to each other, this time it will just take a little longer. Then maybe we can have that house we wanted, a vase full of flowers on the windowsill, fresh flowers every day. We can dance and sing to Dusty Springfield till the wee small hours. You can practice your cocktails, make me a Grasshopper every night till I get bored of it. We deserve our happy ending; you deserve a happy ending. We could even get a dog that would be nice and we could take long walks in the park every weekend arm in arm, soul to soul, heart to heart. Joy.

Since you’ve left I’ve been trying to take over your speech pattern, at least in writing anyway. It’s a way of keeping you close to me, it’s as if I need to try and write the way you speak so that I don’t forget how you sound. I miss your cut glass accent and proper pronunciation. I miss you.

Nurse Crane gave me a book of poetry the night you left by a Spanish poet called Garcia Lorca, she quoted one of his love poems to me as we were standing in the middle of the hallway just outside my bedroom. She understands Pats, more than she actually said. There was no judgment, no vilification only sorrow in her eyes because we have temporarily parted. I fear I will need to buy her a replacement book as I’ve rather ruined hers with tear stains. This was the poem she quoted, at first I didn’t understand it because I was overwhelmed with the situation but now, now I feel Garcia Lorca has seen inside me and has written my heart in verse.

It’s True

Aye, the pain it costs me  
To love you as I love you!

For the love of you, the air, it hurts,  
and my heart,  
And my hat, they hurt me.

Who would buy it from me,  
This ribbon I am holding,  
And this sadness of cotton,  
White, for making handkerchiefs with?

Ay, the paint it costs me  
To love you as I love you!

For now, I will keep missing you and I will keep smelling your perfume. I will keep missing you, I will keep missing you.

yours forever

Delia


End file.
